The Pride Game

The Pride Game

                Although I am not married, I did experience many “pride games” in the companionships I had while on my mission in Guatemala. Now, I think that having a companion on your mission and being married are two different things. I think that having mission companions does help prepare you to be patient and loving- but, I think that having a companion on a mission is hard because you are literally with them twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I don’t think people are with their spouses for that amount of time. We have jobs and different responsibilities in the church and so forth. Needless to say- I think having a mission companion is much harder!

            When we would get annoyed or frustrated with each other we would do many of the pride games mentioned in the assignment. Pride games such as ignoring one another, blaming each other, attack, scorekeeping, refusal to apologize first, refusal to forgive, bringing up faults in one another, holding grudges, silent treatment, gossiping about your companion to others, attitude of entitlement, stubbornness to change, selfishness, unwillingness to learn from companion, fault finding, and withholding love and affection.

            When I first began my mission, I have to admit that I was very selfish and very prideful (I’m still working on being more selfless and humble). My first three companions were so hard! I think part of it had to do with that we were all knew to the mission. My trainer had just finished her training, then I trained, then I received a companion that had just finished her training. I had the hardest time getting along with them! To be honest, I experienced every one of the pride games mentioned in the previous paragraph. Perhaps they were playing the pride game on me, but I know that I was playing it on them. I thought I was better than my companions. I thought that I knew everything and that they didn’t know anything. I was bossy and controlling and would get easily frustrated or angry with them. We argued all of the time and we didn’t have the spirit with us. Between those three companions we had seven baptisms which was an incredibly low number for six transfers.

            Well, my life changed when I was called to serve as a trainer again. I was so nervous just because I really didn’t get along with my first trainee. This new companions name was Sister Arellano. She changed my life! I honestly feel bad for how I treated her sometimes because she was the most humble and loving person you could ever meet. She was always trying to be better. I would tell her she was doing something wrong and she’d fix it without getting frustrated or defensive. Honestly, that made me even more mad because I knew that she was more Christ like than I was. I wasn’t training her, she was training me. I learned a lot in those three transfers and I grew to love her more than anyone one else. She taught me to love and serve not with her words, but with her actions. We got along so well that we baptized twenty-four people together in three transfers!  

            I think the best thing to do would be to teach your spouse by your example. If you have something negative to say, don’t you dare say it! I think the more we cling to the Gospel of Jesus Christ the more likely our marriages will last. I know that the Lord will bless us with the spirit when we do our best to follow the Lord’s command in every aspect of our lives. The Lord loves us so much and he wants us to be happy in our families. I think doing random acts of service is another way to show your love for one another. Even doing chores around the house is a huge sign of respect and love. When we put our best effort out there, our spouse will be inclined to do the same.

God is number one

I am really grateful for my Heavenly Father's love towards me and all of my other brothers and sisters on this earth. He want to give us many blessings and promises to do so as we follow His commandments and do what He would have us do.

I have been thinking a lot about the gospel and how it affects families and relationships. When we put God first we will undoubtedly be happy no matter what trial or tribulation comes our way. I have this image in my head of how I want my marriage to be. I picture us praying together, reading the scriptures together, having family home evening, going to church, etc. I even picture myself peeking through a door only to see my husband kneeling down in prayer by Himself. That to me is the most attractive thing you could find in any relationship. Once you find someone that is willing to put God above all else- keep him.

Marriage requires a lot of communication and planning. We should sit down together with our spouses and discuss those things that would be considered most important and the focus of our marriage and family. When we make plans, we have a goal, when we have a goal, we have work to do, when we have work to do, there is something to be accomplished. The Lord will help us accomplish our righteous desires. He loves us and wants nothing more than to have our marriage last for eternity.

The books that we have been reading in our class about marriage have had a huge impact in my life. It has helped me realize what kind of marriage I want to have and what I have to do to achieve that goal.

I know Heavenly Father loves us and knows each of us perfectly.

Thoughts on Marriage

Marriage is an interesting part of life. When you are with someone for so long, there are bound to be moments of trial and tribulation. I feel that marriage is not meant to be perfect. I feel that marriage is an opportunity to learn and grow together with your spouse. I really enjoyed a quote by President Spencer W. Kimball. He said, "Ceaseless pinpricking can deflate almost any marriage. Generally, each of us is painfully aware of our weaknesses, and we don't need frequent reminders. Few people have ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we are not careful, Some of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually destructive."

I have definitely learned this from my parents marriage. Many times my mom and dad have criticized each other for pointless reasons. All criticism does is create a gap in a relationship. Instead of picking out the negatives in a person, help them recognize their positives. Every person has something special, given to them by God. God loves us and wants us to be happy in our marriages and individually.

I love a book called "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage." In this book it talks a lot about sacrifice. When we are married, we have become committed to each other. We need to put Jesus Christ at the center of our marriage. Goddard talks a lot about how we can't just achieve a happy marriage, it is something that needs to be worked for. We need to do our best every day. We need to do certain things as a couple to eventually inherit eternal life. Things such as read the scriptures and pray together. If we put God at the center of our marriage and love Him more than we love each other, then we are bound to be happy and have an everlasting marriage.

Marriage: The important decisions.

I have been thinking a lot recently about how important the decision is to choose your eternal companion correctly. I was recently talking to a stellar guy. Someone that I was really interested in. He was smart, talented, caring, funny, and so much more! We talked all of the time and were really good friends. Then something happened and we stopped talking for a whole week. We weren't communicating and we definitely weren't discussing our problems. He ended up being a completely different guy than who I thought he was. 

Communication is crucial in any relationship. If you want it to last, then you need to talk everything out, even if it may be awkward or uncomfortable. If you keep those emotions bottled up inside then you are only hurting the relationship and increasing your chances of separation. Every couple is bound to have difficulties. That's what this life is all about. We need to have those trials, so we can learn how to deal with them.

I think we need to adore our spouses. I took a class last semester from Brother Palmer. He always spoke so highly of his wife. We had never even met her! He was so in love with her. He was quick to blame himself for any problems and I am sure she were to do the same. They both had a mutual understanding of who they wanted to be both individually and as a couple and they respected and supported each other. I loved Brother Palmer and hope that my future husband treats me exactly like Brother Palmer treats his wife. 

When we live the gospel of Jesus Christ, we learn about his love for all of us. When we learn of Him, we will want to be better husbands and wives because we will understand each other better and we will have the desire to help each other return to our Father in heaven.