New Number One

My parents didn't quite know how to handle it when my brother got married. They were honestly a little bit controlling over their relationship. It was their first child to get married. They kept trying to give them all sorts of advice and my sister in law felt like my parents didn't think that she was good enough for my brother (even though that was not the case at all!) My point is that when we get married, we must be straight forward with our parents. We need to let them know that we have a new number one. We must cleave unto our spouses and we must not turn back. I am very close to my parents, so it often scares me that I'll prefer to ask my mom for advice than my husband on occasion, but I have to exercise my self control and be straightforward and honest with my spouse always. 

The Parenthood Path Which Leads to Eternal Life

I have always wanted a big family. Parenting is becoming more and more difficult because of the world around us. We must not yield to being a lazy or careless parent. We are raising these children to become Kings and Queens, Priests and Priestesses. My mission president always told us when we had the opportunity to train someone in the mission field that "Your trainers determine how the rest of your mission will go and your mission will determine how the rest of your life will go; therefore you are determining the lives of those you train." I look at parenthood the same way. We are training our children to live a good life and the way they live life will determine their eternal existence. We are literally determining the destiny of our children. We must do everything in our power to ensure a safe return to our Father in heaven.

 

Our home must be centered around the Savior and his everlasting gospel. If we do this- our children will be more likely to not yield to temptation. They will become a standard of truth. It is very likely that our children will welcome the Savior into the world. We are living in the last days and Satan is trying harder than ever before to ensnare the precious souls of all of God's children. The scriptures say that many faithful people will fall. We must warn our children of the dangers set before us.

 

As I read the reading material for this class this week, I was happy to see so many options to help us as a couple raise our children. I especially like the one about being unified with your spouse. This is the most important one I think. Often times we ask my mom before my dad for anything because we know my mom is more likely to say yes. I would like to be so unified with my spouse that we know exactly what the other would say and do. And it we don't know- we discuss it with them away from our children before giving a solid answer. I also enjoyed the point about not speaking unkindly about your spouse in front of your children. I plan to never speak badly about anyone in front of my children. I want my children to love all people. 

 

I am very grateful for the reading assignments this week because they helped me know more of what I should do to be a better parent.

Sex is Sacred

I know that many people who believe in sexual purity before marriage and complete fidelity after marriage think that sex is considered a sin to even be talked about before marriage. I have often thought this. We go our whole lives being taught that sex is bad and then the minute we are married we can do whatever we want with the one we love. I have given this a lot of thought, and I believe that the reason we all feel this way is because sex is sacred. Sex is a bond between husband and wife that brings couples together as one. 

 

The Lord created sex for our happiness as well as our ability to create life. In fact, that is why sex has such a serious nature to it. We create life through love- preferably not lust.

 

I cannot wait for that ever so dear and special moment when I get to connect more fully with the man I will be spending my eternity with. I feel bad for those people who don't know the joys of sexual intimacy with someone who equally loves you back!

 

I testify that if we are sexually pure both before and after marriage, we will have a better relationship in our marriages.

 

Marriage: The Continuous Challenge

Marriage is not easy! Maybe I haven't been married, but I have seen it in my own family, on the television, and the divorce rate helps me know that it really is NOT easy. Everyday will be a challenge. You will have to make an effort to better your marriage every moment. Think about what is best for your relationship and be uplifting and encouraging to each other. As I read the books assigned to us, I realized that both of them talked much about paying attention to the needs of your spouse and learning to sacrifice your wants for those of your companion. I loved Goddard's book because he talked a lot about making the gospel the center of your home. When we do this- I know the problems will surely become easier to handle. They will never go away, but they will be more approachable. I have dreams of doing something nice and unexpected for my husband everyday! When you are in love, you want to do everything and anything for your partner, and they want to do it back! When we serve others, they are more prone to serve as well. I am grateful for this class, because I have learned much about marriage and how to keep it going strong!

Consecrate your Marriage: Loving God more fully = A Happier and More Joyful Living

Blessed is the home where each puts the others happiness first.

According to John Gottman, 69 percent of marriage are perpetual. I would have to agree with his statement. I believe that most marital problems are perpetual because both partners are too stubborn to let go of their pride. I have found that change is possible underneath any circumstances. Living in Guatemala for a year and a half, I learned a lot about change. When I arrived to Guatemala, I was prideful and irritable. My way or the highway. Unfortunately, these characteristics did not work to my benefit. My first three companions were really tough to deal with (I am sure that I was even more tough to deal with!); However, over time I began to change as I put my faith and trust into the Lord. I began to pray for strength to help me become the person that He would have me be. I tried really hard to listen to the spirit so I could know what I should do in the moment I should do it. 

 

This became very helpful and dear to my heart. Before when a problem would arise in or out of my companionship, I would blame my companion and then we would both be angry and the spirit would not be with us. When I began to trust more in the Lord and have faith in Him everything changed. I was more willing to ask Him what we should do rather than complain about all of the lessons that would fall through or be mad at my companion and not talk to her for whatever reason. Instead, I began to be diligent in trying to be like my Savior, Jesus Christ.

 

I think the biggest way we can consecrate our marriages is by serving and loving our spouses no matter what. I really enjoyed a section in John Gottman's book. He talked about a woman whose in-laws would be coming to visit. Her husband and her decided to plan a dinner at one of their favorite restaurants to show them what they like to do on a typical weekend. This woman called to make reservations and was excited to take them out. Often times this women felt superior to her mother-in-law and her husband knew of this insecurity. When her and her husband were coming back from running an errand, they opened the door of their house only to smell a large gourmet meal that her husbands mom had made. This woman didn't say anything- but, her husband could tell she was a little bit upset by the look on her face. The husband politely told his mother that they would put the food in the fridge and go enjoy their dinner at the restaurant where they had previously made their reservations. The mother-in-law was upset, but the husband did the right thing by standing up for his wife.

 

The scriptures command men to cleave unto their wives and for woman to cleave unto their husbands. I believe that this means in every aspect of our lives. God comes first, then our spouse, then everything else. Not in any other order. I think husbands are the initiators of the cleaving. After all, we women are suppose to listen to the counsel of our husbands as they listen to the Lord's. Women, however, can have a powerful impact on our husbands. I believe that when we put forth our best efforts to strengthen our relationships with the Lord and our husbands, they will see our example and strive to be better.

 

I find the most attractive thing about a man is his willingness to help. How cool would it be if your husband did the dishes after dinner every night (Or even better you do them together!), or him cooking a meal every once in a while, or him getting up in the middle of the night to take care of the baby for once etc. The more we serve our spouses, the more we grow to love and appreciate them.

 

I think that a big part of consecrating your marriage would include the habit of daily pray and scripture study as a couple. When we sacrifice our time to the Lord, He will bless us. The scriptures and prayer are no doubt the best ways to strengthen your marriage.

 

I am grateful for the Prophet and his Apostles. I am grateful for the guidance and counsel they share with us to strengthen our homes and families. I know that if we follow their words and examples, we will become a stronger and happier family! Centered upon the gospel of Jesus Christ!

The Pride Game

The Pride Game

                Although I am not married, I did experience many “pride games” in the companionships I had while on my mission in Guatemala. Now, I think that having a companion on your mission and being married are two different things. I think that having mission companions does help prepare you to be patient and loving- but, I think that having a companion on a mission is hard because you are literally with them twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. I don’t think people are with their spouses for that amount of time. We have jobs and different responsibilities in the church and so forth. Needless to say- I think having a mission companion is much harder!

            When we would get annoyed or frustrated with each other we would do many of the pride games mentioned in the assignment. Pride games such as ignoring one another, blaming each other, attack, scorekeeping, refusal to apologize first, refusal to forgive, bringing up faults in one another, holding grudges, silent treatment, gossiping about your companion to others, attitude of entitlement, stubbornness to change, selfishness, unwillingness to learn from companion, fault finding, and withholding love and affection.

            When I first began my mission, I have to admit that I was very selfish and very prideful (I’m still working on being more selfless and humble). My first three companions were so hard! I think part of it had to do with that we were all knew to the mission. My trainer had just finished her training, then I trained, then I received a companion that had just finished her training. I had the hardest time getting along with them! To be honest, I experienced every one of the pride games mentioned in the previous paragraph. Perhaps they were playing the pride game on me, but I know that I was playing it on them. I thought I was better than my companions. I thought that I knew everything and that they didn’t know anything. I was bossy and controlling and would get easily frustrated or angry with them. We argued all of the time and we didn’t have the spirit with us. Between those three companions we had seven baptisms which was an incredibly low number for six transfers.

            Well, my life changed when I was called to serve as a trainer again. I was so nervous just because I really didn’t get along with my first trainee. This new companions name was Sister Arellano. She changed my life! I honestly feel bad for how I treated her sometimes because she was the most humble and loving person you could ever meet. She was always trying to be better. I would tell her she was doing something wrong and she’d fix it without getting frustrated or defensive. Honestly, that made me even more mad because I knew that she was more Christ like than I was. I wasn’t training her, she was training me. I learned a lot in those three transfers and I grew to love her more than anyone one else. She taught me to love and serve not with her words, but with her actions. We got along so well that we baptized twenty-four people together in three transfers!  

            I think the best thing to do would be to teach your spouse by your example. If you have something negative to say, don’t you dare say it! I think the more we cling to the Gospel of Jesus Christ the more likely our marriages will last. I know that the Lord will bless us with the spirit when we do our best to follow the Lord’s command in every aspect of our lives. The Lord loves us so much and he wants us to be happy in our families. I think doing random acts of service is another way to show your love for one another. Even doing chores around the house is a huge sign of respect and love. When we put our best effort out there, our spouse will be inclined to do the same.

God is number one

I am really grateful for my Heavenly Father's love towards me and all of my other brothers and sisters on this earth. He want to give us many blessings and promises to do so as we follow His commandments and do what He would have us do.

I have been thinking a lot about the gospel and how it affects families and relationships. When we put God first we will undoubtedly be happy no matter what trial or tribulation comes our way. I have this image in my head of how I want my marriage to be. I picture us praying together, reading the scriptures together, having family home evening, going to church, etc. I even picture myself peeking through a door only to see my husband kneeling down in prayer by Himself. That to me is the most attractive thing you could find in any relationship. Once you find someone that is willing to put God above all else- keep him.

Marriage requires a lot of communication and planning. We should sit down together with our spouses and discuss those things that would be considered most important and the focus of our marriage and family. When we make plans, we have a goal, when we have a goal, we have work to do, when we have work to do, there is something to be accomplished. The Lord will help us accomplish our righteous desires. He loves us and wants nothing more than to have our marriage last for eternity.

The books that we have been reading in our class about marriage have had a huge impact in my life. It has helped me realize what kind of marriage I want to have and what I have to do to achieve that goal.

I know Heavenly Father loves us and knows each of us perfectly.

Thoughts on Marriage

Marriage is an interesting part of life. When you are with someone for so long, there are bound to be moments of trial and tribulation. I feel that marriage is not meant to be perfect. I feel that marriage is an opportunity to learn and grow together with your spouse. I really enjoyed a quote by President Spencer W. Kimball. He said, "Ceaseless pinpricking can deflate almost any marriage. Generally, each of us is painfully aware of our weaknesses, and we don't need frequent reminders. Few people have ever changed for the better as a result of constant criticism or nagging. If we are not careful, Some of what we offer as constructive criticism is actually destructive."

I have definitely learned this from my parents marriage. Many times my mom and dad have criticized each other for pointless reasons. All criticism does is create a gap in a relationship. Instead of picking out the negatives in a person, help them recognize their positives. Every person has something special, given to them by God. God loves us and wants us to be happy in our marriages and individually.

I love a book called "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage." In this book it talks a lot about sacrifice. When we are married, we have become committed to each other. We need to put Jesus Christ at the center of our marriage. Goddard talks a lot about how we can't just achieve a happy marriage, it is something that needs to be worked for. We need to do our best every day. We need to do certain things as a couple to eventually inherit eternal life. Things such as read the scriptures and pray together. If we put God at the center of our marriage and love Him more than we love each other, then we are bound to be happy and have an everlasting marriage.

Marriage: The important decisions.

I have been thinking a lot recently about how important the decision is to choose your eternal companion correctly. I was recently talking to a stellar guy. Someone that I was really interested in. He was smart, talented, caring, funny, and so much more! We talked all of the time and were really good friends. Then something happened and we stopped talking for a whole week. We weren't communicating and we definitely weren't discussing our problems. He ended up being a completely different guy than who I thought he was. 

Communication is crucial in any relationship. If you want it to last, then you need to talk everything out, even if it may be awkward or uncomfortable. If you keep those emotions bottled up inside then you are only hurting the relationship and increasing your chances of separation. Every couple is bound to have difficulties. That's what this life is all about. We need to have those trials, so we can learn how to deal with them.

I think we need to adore our spouses. I took a class last semester from Brother Palmer. He always spoke so highly of his wife. We had never even met her! He was so in love with her. He was quick to blame himself for any problems and I am sure she were to do the same. They both had a mutual understanding of who they wanted to be both individually and as a couple and they respected and supported each other. I loved Brother Palmer and hope that my future husband treats me exactly like Brother Palmer treats his wife. 

When we live the gospel of Jesus Christ, we learn about his love for all of us. When we learn of Him, we will want to be better husbands and wives because we will understand each other better and we will have the desire to help each other return to our Father in heaven.

Marriage: The Key to Happiness

Marriage can be a beautiful thing when both partners are "in it to win it." The way my dad looks at my mother is indescribable. My mom was diagnosed with kidney cancer this week and my dad wept. He loves her so much and she loves him. My mom does everything for my dad. They both work well together and do their best to make their marriage work. They not only make it work, but they make the journey enjoyable. However, it wasn't always this way, and even now sometimes there are moments of disagreement. They use to fight all of the time with their words. It was terrible and we the kids of the family were so worried. I even remember praying that they'd get a divorce so that we didn't have to hear them argue anymore. There were some definite issues that caused these problems.

 

1. They didn't put their relationship first above everything else

 

2. They weren't living the gospel to its fullest

 

3. Satan wants us to be miserable like unto himself

 

These three reasons are literally the cause of my parents arguments. One day, I came home from youth night at church and was surprised when my mom and dad were no where to be found. It was silent. I walked upstairs only to see them both kneeling down together in humble prayer. That day everything changed. I mean everything. My dad tried to change his behavior by doing all of the little things, like opening my moms door and making her breakfast in bed occasionally and my mother did the same for my dad. The gospel changes lives and if we all live the gospel to its fullest, our marriages will be healthier and happier.

Fear for the Future

As I read and watched the assignments given to us, I realized how frightened I am for the future. While I was watching the interview with Ryan Anderson, I was angry. I almost couldn't handle it. Those people weren't even letting him speak. I thought it was extremely rude how they belittled a child of our Father in heaven. Ryan Anderson was very respectful as he spoke to the live audience. I don't understand why people don't get it. This world becomes more and more twisted everyday. People are beginning to trust in man rather than God. That is a scary thought. The last days are tough to live in, but I know that if we put our trust in our Heavenly Father, everything will be okay. We should constantly pray and ponder about the issues at hand. The Lord loves all of  His children. We should treat everyone with love and respect, but we should stand up for what we believe in. I know some people that have an attraction towards their same gender, but they don't act upon it because they know that it is morally wrong. I know that our Father in heaven has a plan for us. 

Everything important begins with the family

I am very grateful for the opportunity I have to write my thoughts about the importance of family and the effect that divorce can have on a family. In preparation to write this blog post, I have prayerfully read and analyzed certain talks given by latter-day prophets and apostles. I have also pondered some of my own experiences in my life that revolve around the matter. 

 

Some statistics have shown that the divorce rate has gone up and the marriage rate has gone down. Meaning more and more people are giving up on their marriages and more and more people don't even consider the thought of being married. Elder Oaks in May of 2007 gave a very interesting talk called "Divorce." He stated that many people call their first marriages their 'starter marriages.' How sad is it that some people get married with the idea that if it doesn't work out, they can just simply get a divorce. Now, I know that in some situations divorce can be acceptable. My own father was married once before and I even have a sister from his first marriage. Although the reasons for my father to get a divorce may have been valid, I have seen the affect divorce has had on my sister. It has not been easy and many problems have risen due to the issue of the divorce. These issues have not only affected my father and sister, but myself, my other siblings, and my mother. ABC News had a news story called "Divorce School for Kids." At this school, children are eased into the fact that their parents will be getting a divorce. Many of the children express the sadness that comes from a broken family. I truly believe that a family will be able to avoid the heartbreak of divorce when they strengthen their marriage through faithful prayer and scripture study. As they seek heavenly help, Satan will not have power to destroy them. Marriage is a joyous thing. I look forward to the day when I can marry my knight in shining armor in The House of the Lord and we can be sealed for time and all eternity. Eternity is a very long time, but I look forward to spending my eternal existence with the love of my life. I can't wait to fall more and more in love with him everyday. When we go into marriage with an eternal perspective, we will want to make sure it is right the first time, and then continue to work towards our goal of eternal life with our Father in heaven and our children.

 

References

 

Oaks, D.H. (May 2007). Divorce. Ensign.

ABC News, 20/20, Divorce school for kids